PART 4B: WINE, WINE AND MORE WINE

Red, white, rosé and sparkling,

Sweet, dry and in-between semi,

Full-bodied, medium and light,

Fruity, chocolatey, woody, spiced and more,

Chilled, mulled, room temp, iced…

For those who choose to partake, wine can drastically enhance the culinary experience. Whether it’s to complement and wash down the remains of desert, or for the sheer merriment of companionship, nothing savours the last moments of a good meal quite like a good glass of wine. It’s a welcomed and well-deserved celebratory hurrah!

Expansion to a new market, entity registered and in operation, new and repeat clients trickling in, satisfied partners, and a well-managed budget. We’d delivered what we said we could. With more resources, we could catapult the business into its next phase - consistent and exponential growth. Elated, overjoyed, proud! I truly felt all those things. Yet, and in the same breath, I felt a deep and looming sense of discontentment. Getting the business off the ground would require sacrifices, I’d made peace with that. But here we were, operational, growing, and still, no shift. The more we grew, the more we diverted from the promise of the Guild (Eden’s equivalent of the Academy). I’d tried and failed to find pathways to seek meaning. I’d even expressed dissatisfaction with my boss (the CEO) and co-lead/thought partner separately on a handful of occasions in 2022 and 2023. Their attempts to help me refocus, reprioritise and inject new and “exciting” initiatives into my docket were futile. Feelings of misalignment continued to compound. I’d reached my wit's end.

Eden Kenya wasn’t an infant anymore. As a toddler, she’d need even more focus, support, and fresh perspectives to bloom. My energy to pour in was already depleted. Continuing to sacrifice what was important to me would only lead to resentment. After deep introspection and consultation with my support system, I knew that I had to step down. The first person I disclosed this decision to was my thought partner. I owed them transparency, but even more an equal and safe opportunity to introspect. I poured out everything including the fact that I was considering other offers on the table. Silence. Awkward pauses. Even more silence. The weight of the conversation was crippling. There was no room or attempt to convince me otherwise. I’d tossed and turned over the decision many times and would finally be making it with certainty, clarity and conviction. Whatever they decided, I was ready to support, just not in my current capacity as Country Lead…I needed out and I needed it now.

It didn’t take much time. A few days after our conversation, my thought partner revealed that they were equally underwhelmed by the growth prospects at Eden. It was a long and heartfelt conversation. Given how aligned our values were, and noting further how closely we’d co-led these operations, I wasn’t surprised. The social impact was always at the core. But I wasn’t prepared for the resolution of those feelings to also be a resignation…at least not now. This would be even harder hard. A double whammy from top leadership in Kenya wouldn’t go down without backlash. We were confident that we’d built a solid foundation, but, losing both of us at the same time would still be destabilising. This decision would change so much. We mulled over it further but concluded that postponing it further would be even more detrimental to our mental health and the stability of the Kenyan entity as a whole. Come rain, come shine, come fire, we were committed to seeing this through. We’d respectfully serve our 3-month notice and support Eden thereafter with any tasks needed to guarantee a smooth landing. It was now or never...

After speaking to the CEO about the decision to exit, we formally resigned from Eden on 02 May 2023. While I’d shared my dissatisfaction at several points prior, given the double resignation, the decision still came as a shock. He needed time to process and speak to his co-founders. A week or so later, he convened a conversation to speak plainly. He wanted to gather more insights on how we got here, why we got here and if it could have been prevented. It was a lengthy and welcomed conversation that inevitably led to the same endpoint. Social impact wasn’t the focus of Eden today, tomorrow, or in the near future. It would take a decade for the Guild to be on the agenda, let alone implemented and a core focus. Eden couldn’t change for us. We couldn’t change for Eden either. We needed to go through the process to determine this for fact. Our decision was difficult, but respected.

Winemaking is an art form. From selecting and harvesting the right kinds of grapes to destemming, crushing, fermenting and bottling, the process can take anywhere from 3 to 24 weeks to complete and even longer if the wine is to be aged. The end product - a beverage with an Alcoholic by Volume (ABV) of ~12% and a high acidity of ~3+. For this very reason, wine is meant to be consumed sparingly. Failure to do so can result not just in a bad hungover, but in extreme cases, alcohol poisoning. Periods of letting go can feel very much like an alcohol binge…thrilling at first, but forcefully deteriorating in tolerance and recovery after. We’d made difficult decisions many times over, but this felt different…more permanent. We hunkered down to deliver the news to our team first, then worked our way through the list of stakeholders. The 3-month handover process was far from seamless. In addition to managing business activities, pursuing revenue targets, and reassuring stakeholders, more often than not, tasks were either deprioritised, reprioritised, or newly added (e.g. product overhaul, data analysis, forecasting) to our already lengthy handovers. To add further complexity to the mix, while founders considered the state of the Kenyan entity, resources to support the transition process (e.g. budget to outsource and hire new leadership) were frozen. Even when things went from bad to worse and felt personal, we chose to navigate the disorientation with a sense of integrity and ethics. We reminded ourselves often that what we’d built mattered and who we benefitted cared. It didn’t feel like it, but we were on the same team…we all wanted Eden to win.

Whilst problematic, the handover process was incredibly insightful. We found ourselves in situations where we needed to vehemently hold our ground, others where we had to be intentional about removing ourselves from the equation, and others still where we needed to face our hard truths and take accountability. Although I wasn’t actively seeking it, the process also affirmed that I was the right person to have supported Eden in its early stages. Flaws and failures considered, I was enough. The funny thing about revelations is that when articulated long after the event, they seem obvious. Nonetheless, they’re my truths and will be imparted as a reminder to myself and anyone seeking silver linings between a rock and a hard place;

1. Purpose: Being an agent for disruption, making a bold statement, and being a pioneer or at the nexus of the next big thing is incredibly exciting! But, if I am not firmly rooted in my purpose, I can be easily pushed or pulled in one direction or the other, and continue to struggle to find meaning, if I don’t actively seek alignment. Finding fulfilment boils down to actively seeking alignment. For me, this means that if my primary KPIs aren’t directly and tangibly tied to impact, I’ll continue to feel misaligned, dissatisfied and less than.

2. Value: Being able to take on and perform a variety of roles inside and outside my function is a real asset. It allowed me to see the problem from multiple angles, enriched the approaches and solutions I’ve built, and most valuably, take on multiple responsibilities. Once resources had been unlocked for hiring, our CEO led the process of identifying and bringing on board a new Country Lead. As we provided support, we often emphasised and came back to the need to not only find another “unicorn” (master of multiples) but compensate them commensurately. Just because you bring a lot of value to the table, doesn’t always mean you’ll be treated as such. I need to do a much better job of benchmarking and negotiating what is fair and right.

3. Perspective: When the new Country Lead was eventually brought on board, I had the opportunity to not just retell Eden’s story, but also discuss and brainstorm opportunities that existed with someone far more experienced than me. With little to no pre-existing biases, the perspectives brought to the table were not only important but welcomed. It allowed me to step outside of my role, and think more critically about the alternative pathways that existed for success to be realised. It was also a great way to affirm that the choices made to get to this point were still sound. When you’ve had your head in the sand for so long, you sometimes forget to look up and observe. Finding ways to step outside and gain perspective is so important.

For the longest time, I’d been craving a sense of freedom...an ability to make and drive important decisions. Eden was the first time in my career that I was afforded true autonomy. It was the best gift the founders could have bestowed. Having autonomy allowed us to; i) be more agile; ii) move from a place more connected and informed by the day-to-day; and, iii) be more confident about the pathways that made sense for Kenya. I’d wanted autonomy for so long, that I hadn’t stopped to consider why. In hindsight, I desired autonomy not only because I wanted more control (e.g. being my own boss, making decisions faster and with more self-governance etc.), but even more because I wanted to influence and inform change. I wanted the power to question where we were going and why we were going there, in the same breath as being able to redirect to a new space. It was a lot to ask…especially for someone in my role and without meaningful skin (equity or executive standing) in the game. But I wanted what I wanted. I needed more free range and felt compromised without it.

---

Unmet expectations. Lacklustre contributions. Unremunerated work. Irreconcilable differences. There is no such thing as a perfect job. My time working at different startups has proved this time and time again. I don’t regret the decision to join Eden, nor do I regret the decision to take a hard step back when the time comes. I believe that all things we experience are for the enrichment of what comes next. I learned and continue to pull apart many constructive lessons (some of which I’ll summarise in the final chapter of this learn-and-share series). For now, my irrefutable stance is that if it’s not in line with my purpose, I have zero energy and capacity to entertain it! Fully disengaging from the space was one of the bravest and wisest decisions I made in 2023. As I continue to enjoy and maximise the “downtime” of my sabbatical, I’m getting closer and closer to deciding what comes next.

There are people, places, and spaces

Somewhere new, somewhere different,

Someplace in reach and out there,

Willing and ready to embrace me for me

My insatiable appetite to learn and grow

My deep desire to make a difference and transform lives

I may need another glass of wine, two, or even three,

But I’m well on my way to knocking on those doors

Now is my time.